As I said in an earlier thread, two weeks ago I took communion services with my Church. (That's the Greek Orthodox Church, for Kent who asked. Supposedly the oldest denomination, a direct descendant of the teachings of Paul in Athens).
I waited patiently on the line of communicants to be, until my turn came up. When I approached the priest, I bowed and touched his shoe as a sign of respect. Ridiculous, you say. Not really. You never know who a priest can be. These beings dwell in a dual domain and my worth isn't really any more than a priest's worn shoe. Better to be on the safe side.
When the priest saw me dressed in all black, bowing in front of him, he asked me:
"What is your name?"
"Ioannis, father".
Then he said something or other quietly (which I didn't hear) and allowed me to take communion.
Later the same night, I consulted with the Sacred Plant, because I was curious to see how the whole thing went. The Sacred Plant showed me exactly what transpired between the priest's question and me actually taking communion. It seems that the priest and I had a whole conversation which I subsequently forgot, under a very strong subconscious directive, given by him, prior to me having communion. It pretty much went like this, after me declaring my name:
"Have you taken services of confession, son"?
"No father. I have asked for forgiveness in prayer for days and I did not deem it appropriate to have confession".
"I cannot let you have communion before you confess. Do you want to confess now"?
"Now?! In the middle of the service?"
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"
"No, but..."
Then the priest, made a quick waving movement with his right hand and time froze. The entire group of participants in the church froze in time. The people behind me froze and so did those in front of me. The entire congregation transformed into a matrix-like still... Then the priest continued:
"I will ask you some questions, and you will answer. Honestly."
I felt an insatiable desire to answer him truthfully, so I simply nodded:
"OK".
"Why are you wearing black, son"?
"Because I hate everybody's guts. Yours included".
"Then why did you bow in front of me, son"?
"Father, I do not know who you are. Jesus says to love my neighbor and I really, deep down, hate the living guts of my neighbor. I do not really know who my neighbor is, because if I knew, I'd love him. Because I am really blind in knowing my neighbor, it may turn out that you are somebody I do not suspect, so I might be in severe danger for an incoming punishment. Somebody like God or Jesus Himself, for example..."
Being well versed in Bible lingo, then I quoted to him the relevant Bible passage, "what you do unto them, you do unto ME...", etc.
"You are correct to be afraid." Said the priest. Then he continued:
"Why do you hate your neighbor, son? What has he done to you"?
"It's a long story, father. Do you want to hear it?"
"Yes. By all means".
"Every single believer's image of God, is pretty much a grossed up copy of one's father or mother, depending on whether the believer has imaged the (Christian) patriarchal God or the matriarchal Goddess. The relative "goodness" of the re-constructed God (or Goddess) in one's mind is highly dependant on the father or mother's behavior. OK, so far?"
"To some extent you are right". The priest said.
"Most believers manage to create an image with good qualities, with a benevolent God who forgives. I have managed to create a Father-God who is this:"
[And I quickly gave him a summary of my article: The Gospel According To John]
"In other words, my God, father, is Absolute Evil. Can you for the love of your God, even BEGIN to imagine WHO my Father was? Can you even BEGIN to imagine WHAT my Father was, for me to end up creating a God like THAT?"
The priest lowered his head for a few seconds and after this short silence, he said:
"I see your problem. You know too much. Your predicament is a very big one. I cannot be of much help with that."
"How come? Where's your Jesus? Where's the salvation and forgiveness that your Jesus promised? Surely he has the power to absolve me and salvage me from this God's wrath..."
"I can only help you if you believe that God is good".
"Does my God sound like he is 'good' to you? Do you want to face him and discuss it with him personally?"
"No. I can't. I don't have the power to confront Absolute Evil. It's not within my powers."
"So WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here giving ME communion?"
The priest lowered his head and bowed to me. He then continued:
"You have beaten me. The only thing I can do now, is show you what awaits you after death. But with your predicament, I don't recommend it. It will hurt..."
"I know it will, father. I am ready whenever your are..."
The priest waved his hand and something like a huge curtain dropped from behind the bishop's chair, revealing a paradise scenery in another world, populated with various strange beings. In the middle of the scenery was a Throne of sorts. He who was sitting on the Throne, stepped down and approached me. Lo and behold, He was My Father... He then said:
"What THE FUCK are you doing here kissing the asses of priests and deacons? Haven't you learned anything yet stupid simpleton? Is that why I taught you all this science? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU MISERABLE USELESS FAGGOT. I'll give you a couple of decades yet. Make sure you work your fucked up ass producing as much work as you can and PERHAPS, just PERHAPS I might decide that on that day, when you AGAIN come back to me, that you are worthy for me to FORGET your miserable past and the disgusting, miserable and despicable acts you have done in front of my eyes.
Till then, disappear from my sight, disgusting failed faggot. And don't even DARE to approach ANY church or stupid priest again. Do I make myself clear?"
Before I could say "I am sorry, Father", the priest waved his hands and closed the gate to this other dimension behind the bishop's chair. Then he allowed me to take communion and said:
"Now forget. That's the power of Jesus. To allow you to forget your personal hell. That's the only thing I can give you, son. Use it wisely."
That night, after my recollection of all of the above under the auspices of The Sacred Plant, I fell down with my face on the floor, and crying, begged my mother for forgiveness. I told her that I was too ashamed to even be called her son. But my mother forgave me, even though she knew of my despicable past behavior.
I practically BEGGED my mother to tell me WHAT (if anything) I could say to my Father when I die, but she didn't know what to tell me.
The Ultimate Horror on Judgment Day: To KNOW that Absolute Evil is God and this God is MY FATHER, who knows everything I've done. My Father, who as a kid graduated first in his high school with a grade of 19+7/11. My Father, who entered the National Technical University of Athens after high school ranking THIRD in the entire fucking country. My Father, who while he was alive, was a PhD in civil engineering and applied mathematics (whose PhD I still cannot read despite all my math knowledge), a full professor at the National Technical University of Athens, Secretary General of the Ministry of Education and Religion in the Greek dictatorship government between 1967-1972, a NATO attache and a high degree Mason. My Father, who predicted his own death in 1986 and came back to Greece to die and who after he died, he created such a complex will disowning me (predicting my despicable acts and behavior), that a team of lawyers was unable to solve the grand puzzle of his will for 22 years, until I myself figured out that it was unsolvable. My Father, who even managed to enter the internet records without any effort on my part. A fucking intellectual Giant, of the caliber of Archimedes and Gauss with me not being worthy to even carry His name.
My Father. My Creator. The Creator of Heaven and Earth. The Grand Architect of The Matrix.
WHO is GREATER than MY FATHER?"
How does one continue living knowing that one is a miserable failure in the eyes of His Father?
WHO has the power to forgive me EXCEPT my own FATHER?
Am I fucked? You bet your lifesavers. Are all of you fucked? If I am, you all are, too.
Neo has failed. Zion will be destroyed and The Matrix will be reloaded. Brace yourselves.