My problem is that my skin sweat pores, genetically, have a strange problem: They are convoluted, not unlike the tube under a sink, contrary to being straight like in any normal human being. I have no idea how they developed thus.
[The exact disease from which I suffer is called hidradenitis suppurativa. If you want to find out more, do a Google search on those words].
What usually happens with this condition, is, no matter how many showers I take per day, eventually, these pores get blocked by fine debris, cotton from clothes and/or dust, and as a result the entire smegma/sweat gland, cannot find its natural outlet, forcing the formation of a cyst, which fills with puss, and only when the internal pressure gradient from the puss exceeds the skin support gradient, the cyst bursts.
The cyst fills gradually with white blood cells, which for some reason appear as if they are committing suicide. There is no bacteria inside the sweat gland, well perhaps there are certain staphs in there since we all carry them one way or another, and the fact that the place is anaerobic, makes the things much worse.
I have been to all sorts of doctors, who cannot provide a logical explanation for the formation of my cysts. I have had such cysts removed from my underarms, from my butt and from my pubic areas. Doctors are of course very blunt about the whole thing, they just hack through the cyst with a scalpel, drain it, and joyfully tell you to put such and such a material on the scar for such and such number of days. When you ask them about explanations, they simply raise their hands, and say, "it's just your skin type".
My skin, appears to be adapting to the process, by forming stronger and more resilient cyst bulbs every time. That is, the cyst walls, as time goes by, get more and more resilient. As a result, the internal pressure gradient needed to force a burst, becomes higher and higher.
Disappointed by the whole predicament, which has no solution whatsoever, I patiently wait for the cyst to show signs of wall deterioration, so I can pierce it with a syringe. Sometimes the cyst reaches sizes of 10-15ccs and the pain becomes unbearable. So my regular morning procedure, is to swallow 4 Advils, light a cigarette, and wait until they take affect. When they do, I carefully clean my syringe with Manuka oil, which is 98% effective on most staph positive organisms, and slowly pierce the walls of the cyst. Considerable pressure is sometimes needed to break the skin wall of the cyst.
Then, as the needle is in, I stop in increments and test by sucking to see if I've reached the core of the cyst. I need to do this, since the wall of the cyst sometimes can be as thick as 2cms and I have no way to tell externally.
When I reach the cyst bottom, it gets easier. Then, I only need to suck up the puss. The syringe usually fills completely, but the pain immediately goes away, as the internal pressure vanishes. When the cyst forms on my butt, it usually receives additional pressure from me sitting or pressing it otherwise, so it creates additional chambers under the skin, so sometimes I have to revolve the syringe in the chamber to get the entire volume of puss out.
I have to continue the above procedure three times a day, until the cyst walls become thin enough for the cyst to break by itself. Since the outside cyst wall is usually 2-3cms thick, this can take up to two weeks.
Well, here I am after one week of going through with another one. I didn't write all this to disgust you, although it is admittedly disgusting. I wrote it to present to you the thought processes that the brain goes through, when it is constantly under physical pain.
The natural reaction to all this, even with the aid of painkillers, is for the body to want to sleep. All the time. So, admittedly, I've been sleeping 20-24 hours a day, waking up only to eat and shit.
After the pain continues for 2-3 days, the brain somehow gets drugged by something. I don't know what it is, probably some sort of internal endorphin production. There is a continuous "buzzing" sensation on everything I perceive, and I have lost all interest in most of the things I do, whilst the pain is in effect.
Even sleeping while in pain is ominous. The brain is generating weird nightmares, that tie in peculiar ways to the hot spot of the whole process, by conjuring images of me beating up my dad who was (in a sense) responsible for my predicament.
All hope is gone. For myself, for the world. I find myself wishing to cause equal if not greater harm to everyone around me. Strange feeling. I can safely understand now why abused children return the actions to their fellows later on.
All religious feelings are gone. The persistent memes of religion, are completely annihilated.
The world, unveils itself, for the wonderful piece of crap that it is: An experimental gene pool for the survival of the fittest. Time, gradually pushes aside lameness, gene inefficiency, ugliness, and inability to procreate. I never had misconceptions about being able to procreate, given my mental past history, but boy, this glorious image becomes so intensely engraved in one's mind, that it's hard to forget afterwards.
Nature can do nothing to help you, in any way. You are on your own. If you have any obvious, largely visible shortcomings, you'll have to do your best to hide them, through clothing, or through some other efficient means.
There is no God, no Heaven, no angels, no nothing out there. The game has been lost before it even began. The good genes propagate through those who are smart to take care to genetically procreate with other good gene carriers.
There is no love. Everything is mechanical. The additional influential factors that determine bonding in relationships, are just there to create additional parameters and to confuse the game.
I am really surprised at this, myself. You know, I did have some hope, sometime long ago, that there was some sort of inherent order that was ruling this huge ball of crap, but alas, the final teaching frontier, pain, dissolves any premonitions of any hopeful resolution to this, and brings the mind to the eternal state of "clear" that Hubbard speaks of.
It is sad. It is very sad, because I also see, through the magnitude of my physical pain, the greatness of Hitler's work. This man, attempted to create the super race, and he almost succeeded. Of course, what most people fail to realize, and particularly the Hebrews, is that the ones who survived the Holocaust, WERE in effect the super race, because the amount of pain that the Nazis inflicted to them, would keep their memories clear for such a long amount of time. Such a long amount of time that they could, in effect, be used as future guides for us, or oppressors, any way you want to look at it.
I personally see that those who became the ruling party after this barrage of physical (and emotional) pain, are trying hard to enlighten all of us, but most of us, perhaps because of fear for the unknown, perhaps because of animosity towards authority, are sticking to what we want to call "tradition", thinking that by lengthening and proliferating "tradition" we will enhance our gene pool. What a fatal mistake! What a horrid fatal mistake!
To make a long story short: I see Zaratustra being resurrected and jumping out from my bookcase on my left, and yelling at me: "Ioannis, I had told you you would not like the truth, hadn't I?"
Well, at the danger of sounding controversial with the above analysis, I still see the wisdom out in the street of my house when I am pondering over some of these questions. I still see, two alley cats tearing themselves apart to get close to a female cat. How wiser can you get? really, think about it. And what I like the most, is that we, automatically consider the "animal life form" to be inferior. Inferior because it has shed the "pretense" in "doing business" (i.e. propagating its species genes) without implicating the "intelligent" factors that we have brought into the game, ourselves. The "intelligent" homo sapiens.
Nature is not only a whore, but it is a curious whore as well. The most prominent characteristic that was introduced in the game of gene propagation in our "advanced" species, is that of money. It is a factor that was somehow considered not important but those inferior life forms. Yet, in our case, nature foresaw, that if it introduced money into the game, the game could be sufficiently confusing, thus allowing genes that are not this robust to participate. Money did the trick. It is true that anyone who has oodles of it, can easily pay a female to carry his genes. Ah, but what these people fail to realize, is that money is a temporary solution: If the genes are defective, the money support will need to be carried down the line along with every successor. This necessitates a whole financial support base, where "these people" who are in this predicament, (i.e. bad genes, lots of money) have to continuously offer each other continuous support, through whatever services, being aware of the problem. It is thus natural, and very hard to be accepted into such a society. You will have to prove to them, that you carry a trait that they need, or that they will "eventually" need in the future. If you don't, you might be the smartest person in the whole world, you will be out.
On the other hand, if your genes are good, you will soon realize that your chances of survival are more than 50%. Nature itself will "take care of you", in a way. This is not explicit, but most good gene females have this capacity to "recognize" a truly handsome man and immediately be attracted to him.
If you belong to this class of men who think that females are just "like us", you are severely mistaken. At the danger of sounding like a misogynist, (which I am not), these beings have a job to do. And we are nothing more than stallions. The situation is not unlike that of a bee hive. So, it makes no sense whatsoever to accuse females for any particular choice they make. They are just doing their job.
However, if I may elaborate on this a bit further, the additional factors that they introduce into the game, (romance, intelligence, goodness, good heart, emotional content) are but confusing illusions. Illusions that have been perpetrated by us, to brainwash them into picking loser genes that have some "other" special property.
This property may or may not be useful, but eventually, and that's the key word here, the offspring will need to show the superiority or usefulness of its genes traits. If it does not, it will be displaced.
Some of us, particularly those that come from very old cultures, can recognize, eventually, that the usefulness of our genes has diminished to non-practical levels.
The Greeks for example, who started by mixing 15-20 or so different gene pools, had a period of flourishing and a gradual decrease, as it was essentially proved (although the Western part still does not want to admit it) that to "Not know" is better than "to Know".
Some later cultures, particularly that of the States, have combined the best traits, by paying particular attention to "general ignorance", meaning ignorance not of technical details, but of "to Know" vs "Not Know". This culture has increased the displacement of the "meme" diseases that plague old cultures like mine, by increasing the range of the technical know how. It is not of major importance to the average American if God exists for example, whereas for an average Greek it is. This shows in effect how much our brain genes are already affected.
The new gene pool now, is the States. The European Community, realizing the danger from the States gene pool taking over the world, is attempting, in a meager late attempt to create an artificial joint gene pool, by mixing the basic European cultures. As you can safely surmise, this will never work. First because, "we are too late" in this, second because some of the nations in Europe, are too old and too infected by the diseases of the mind that plague degenerate gene pools. Add to that, that individual European cultures are resistant with respect to "merging" and mixing genes, because the average person is still holding tight to their cultural niches, (possibly considering them superior to any other) and the end result is quite clear.
In the best possible scenario, the European Union would need hundreds of years and many generations to implement a gene strategy similar to the one already existing in the States. So, for the time being, the United States has the upper hand as far as gene superiority is concerned.
The catch with the American gene pool, is that the Europeans had seeded long time ago the pool by providing not only for the Caucasian gene, but for the Negro gene as well. The result of this "intervention" (which actually was brought by by the greediness of the first European settlers) is that the polarization that has existed, or exists now, will never cease, and will eventually force a domination of either a mixed species, or the proliferation of one kind. And the problem with this, is that most Caucasian gene carriers do not care for "darker" genes in them.
Having spent 10 years in Chicago and seen the conditions under which African Americans manage to survive, my humble estimate is that eventually they will dominate the gene pool. Not because they play better basket ball, but because they are resilient as dogs, in all kinds of adverse circumstances. Although there have been relentless efforts to continuously feed them with drug related substances, they always find the courage and strength the move up the social ladder and reach respectable positions.
So, in effect, the very powerful current American gene pool, has in it inherent its own safety valve. The social American parameter that decides the living conditions and laws in the States may inhibit African American influence in the politics scene, but eventually there would be no use, if they procreate faster than whites and if there is only a white president presiding over a population of 200 million blacks and 50 million whites in the future.
Meanwhile, some of the old cultures are dying. Some of us, who have reached this level of understanding, without wanting to sound too arrogant, don't have much of a future. You will find the related correlations in the insinuations of some fictional texts, such as Whitley Striber's (sp?) extraterrestrial stuff, where they proclaim that "aliens use women to procreate because they have reached a stage where their genes have become degenerate..." The ones who can understand, can understand.
If some of the older cultures are to be able to make it, which really, is none of the concern of the current big active gene pools, major social and religious changes have to take effect.
In particular, cultural niches, have to be annihilated. Nobody should be able to claim something like "I am such and such a descendant of this or that Ancient culture", and only if one wants, can go and study this particular old culture, as a specific research subject.
All religion should be abolished. After thousands of years, we have seen the damage it has done to our minds, with its stupendously silly claims and mind entanglements. Particularly severe should be the punishment of perpetrators or originators of new religious dogmas.
It is sad that all this comes as a result of applying one continuous week of physical pain to my body. But, perhaps, the true state of things is this in which becomes visible certain things which are hidden when otherwise the brain is asleep and in eternal slumber.